Monday, July 12, 2010

Cheating Men...The Uncivilized Choice

I recently read an article, Do All Men Cheat?, and I can't seem to shake my opinion about this one.  I thought I would vent a little here in a warm-up to my book-writing session today.

Anyone who follows my blogs, or my life, knows that I have a somewhat unique marital arrangement.  (more unique than most, I should say).  We spend weeks and even months away from each other, and even when we are living in the same place, we spend quite a bit of our time apart.  "That's a recipe for disaster..." I can hear the naysayers warning.  "How can he get enough if you are not with him?", and "Not getting enough leads to trouble!!"  I cannot seem to shake this part of the internal chatter spurred by the recent article. (written from the perspective of the mistress, mind you)

 There seems to be a movement excusing men from extra-marital activities, arguing that they simply have an insatiable desire for women, and one wife cannot satisfy their needs.  Monogamy is a construct of religion, but not the way that people would operate otherwise, I have heard people say.  I completely and wholeheartedly disagree.  Marriage is a social and religious construct, yes, but the effectiveness of its presence in society cannot be denied.  My opinion about marriage is personal, but there is some science behind my defense of monogamy.  Scientists have found that happily married women are the happiest kind of women there are.  Health, both mental and physical, are improved when men and women are committed to a monogamous relationship, and length of life and quality of life are both bi-products of monogamy.

I have no problem with men who know that they cannot keep their zippers zipped and who find life too boring without the thirty-one flavors...there is a place for you in the world.  My issue is with the men who agree to make a monogamous relationship work, and then cop out of their commitment  because they want a younger and firmer flavor.  It is not excusable man behavior, it is chicken.  It takes real work to keep things interesting, and although men may have picked vanilla and sometimes don't feel like vanilla, it is more manly  to dress it up with some flavorful toppings, and stick with what they promised to love.

My husband and I are human too, and we have our needs, most definitely, but we have both committed to one another, to this relationship and to our children, and miraculously we are disciplined enough to wait until we are back together.  Simply put, it matters not where we get our appetite, just that we come home to eat...that is what we promised to do!


  1. Love it! Especially the idea of dressing up the vanilla. A few sprinkles and some syrup, maybe a few nuts, can do some amazing things! :)

  2. I think you stated this very well! There are many activities and habits that humanly have great appeal--it does not mean that they are good for us in any way. We are really dumb sheep when it comes to our flesh and our fleshly appetites (whether sex, eating, greed, etc.)--so we need to listen to the shepherd on this (the God of the universe!) I know he is wayyyy smarter than I am and above all loves like no one else could. Soooo, thanks Meagan for bringing this topic to the table!
    I think that there are always reasons that men and women cheat---our behaviour is a reflection of what we think about God and ourselves, God and the World, and deep issues of our heart re. Love. Thanks, Kathy

  3. And some of us love the flavor we have chosen so much that, even when our appetites yearn momentarily for another flavor, we are willing to ignore that desire and return to our old favorite :) There's something comforting in familiarity, even if it occasionally needs to be topped and sprinkled with nuts!


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