Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Book Speaks...

I am not a book.

Ok, so maybe I am a book because I have real pages (or digital ones if you roll that way) and a beautifully inspirational cover. There are words splattered all over my pages, some of which you'll adore, others you may question, and others still with which you will completely disagree.
I guess I am a book, but I am more than that too.

I am hundreds of conversations, discussions, debates, tears, smiles, and frustrations. I am a picture of living rooms and coffee houses, dining room tables and libraries.

I am a journey: a transformation from desperation to joy.

I am all of those things, and I am not stagnant enough to be a book on a shelf. I am alive, and my conversation is far from over. There is more to be said, more to be heard, more to be transformed, and I am just a part of all that people are saying.

I guess I'm kindof like marriage in that way.

Marriage is a journey, frought with tears, smiles, frustrations and heartache. It is an ongoing conversation that is ever-evolving and individually unique.

We make a good match, marriage and me. We are alive and intertwined, and ready to embark on this journey together.

We do hope you'll join us!

If you are a facebook fan, you may like my daily conversation about marriage on my own site. Choosing to Grow: Through Marriage

If you like blog articles, my author, Meagan Frank, writes about marriage sometimes...but she gets distracted and writes about all sorts of other things too. Her blog is Choosing to Grow.

Oh yeah, I guess I should tell you where you can find copies of me. I am on the presses right now (most definitely an out-of-body experience). You can order autographed copies directly from Meagan. is also carrying the books and the Kindle version is coming soon.

I want to thank TreasureLine Publishing for giving me life. They became a part of the conversation about a year ago, and they believe in where this conversation is going.

So much to be said, and so little time...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

WANTED: CTG Hostesses


My favorite part about collecting information for the Choosing to Grow: Through Marriage book were the groups of women who gathered to talk with me.

The CTG groups ranged in size from four to fifteen women, and every discussion positively influenced my marriage.  I hope to gather similarly-sized groups of people (it can be both men and women) to talk about some of the things I found in my research.

The presentation can be geared to the desires of the group, and the topics can vary.  Some presentation topics include: 
  • River Rafting through Marriage: How to Equip for Pitfalls 
  • Surviving Children:  Putting Marriage First
  • Finding the "I" in Marriage
  • How to Build the Safety Net:  Fostering the Network of Friends and Married Couples
For any of the presentations, I would be willing to read a portion of the book, if that is of interest to the participants.

The book is due to be published in early March, and I can have books on hand if hostesses are willing to book the latter part of March and into April.

Mother's Day and the wedding season are right around the corner, so book a unique Bridal Shower presentation or a gab session for your busy mom friends.

I am willing to travel, if it is feasible.  Minnesota and western Wisconsin bookings are possible through June 15th.  I will be in Illinois March 11-March 20.  Colorado bookings can happen anytime after June 17th and through August 7th.  Even if you are not living in any of those places, I would consider travelling.

There will be a free autographed copy of the book for the first ten women to book a presentation.

Post a comment on this blogpost or visit my writers' facebook page and book your presentation today.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Husband Appreciation Year

One of my friends celebrated Husband Week last week.  I didn't know how widespread the celebration is for husband week, or if it is really a recognized week, so of course I had to investigate.  This was the Facebook post that started the wheels turning for me:

HUSBAND WEEK: If you have a husband who is your best friend, who works hard for you, who has been with you through thick and thin, who loves you even when you're at your worst, and whom you are PROUD to be married to, copy and paste this with the date you were married.

I do have a husband who is my best friend, he works TOO hard for me, he has absolutley been with me through thick and thin and he loves me even when I am at my worst.  I am SO proud to be married to him and I can hardly believe we have been married since 8/15/98.

Yesterday, I told my husband it was Husband Appreciation Week, and he sat a little taller with the news.  He squeaked out a foot massage because of it, and it was fun to tell him all the reasons I do so fully appreciate him.

I had to break his heart this morning, however, when I told him I could not verify that Husband Appreciation Week really existed, and if it does, I couldn't find the actual week we are supposed to honor them.

"There is a Husband Appreciation Day though...on April 16th," I consoled him. (

"So no more foot rubs this week?" he sighed.

"I can probably muster up a couple more...if you are worthy of appreciating,"  I joked.

It is important to have special days to recognize those things that matter to us, and I think it's great to add another day of appreciation.

We have World Marriage Day, perfectly coordinated with Valentine's Day on February 14th.

The April 16th Husband Day is shared with the birthday of the Air Force, National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day, Chiropractic Founders Day, Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day and National Respect Day.

I will think about appreciating my husband that day, on Father's Day, Valentine's Day and our anniversary, but our marriage would be in real trouble if those were the only days I told him how much I appreciate him.

To set out for an entire year of appreciation seems daunting initially, so I will still just take it one Husband Appreciation Day at a time. 

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I Do...Think it's Okay to Contract for an Affair

Apparently there is a movement afoot.  More and more couples are opting for a clause in their marriage contract that allows the spouses to cheat on one another.

While visiting last night with my husband, the one in my completely monogomous relationship, he told me he had heard couples were choosing this "freedom contract" over the traditional promise of marriage.  I forgot to ask him, immediately, if he was hoping for such an amendment to our contract, so I went in this morning to check with him.

"Hey, I just want to verify that when you brought up that story of the couples who have contracted to cheat on one another, you weren't looking to change our current arrangement... were you?"

"No," he assured me between laughs.  "It was a 'listen to this!' story on the radio, and people actually called in to say that they do sign contracts like this. I thought it was crazy."

I think it's pretty crazy too, and there is not a single cell in my body that wishes our contract were worded differently, but I am intrigued by this idea.

One of the women who called into the radio show admitted her husband had requested permission to have sexual partners outside of their marriage, and she agreed.  When asked if she cheated too, she said, "No, he's the only one who needs to, and having it in our contract keeps things stable."

He's contracted to stay married to her, to provide for her, to be a companion for her, but he is not required to be exclusive. She committed to that too.

Could this possibly work?  This is what I think: I think it works all the time...even if the couple doesn't have it formally written down, there are plenty of people who know infidelity exists and continue to operate as a married couple. 

"Conservative infidelity statistics estimate that “60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages. With this many marriages affected, it's unreasonable to think affairs are due only to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives."  Infidelity Statistics

The divorce rate is still around 50 per cent, and only 17 per cent of divorces are blamed on infidelity.  It is possible that upwards of 50-60 per cent of marriages affected by infidelity, simply continue to work. 

A couple who talks about the potential for affair, and then signs a joint contract before they are married could be saving themselves the drama and heartache so many other couples endure.
My husband and I will not be personally experimenting with this, but it is an interesting, modern twist on the marital arrangement.  I would be curious to see the statistics of those marriages that remain in tact in ten years.

I really don't have a problem with two consenting adults who want to bind their relationship in any way that works well for both of them.  The problem I have is with the people who have promised, in writing, to be faithful and exclusive, and then go ahead and have an affair anyway.

I guess for me, I just think people should do what they say they are going to do.