Friday, December 31, 2010

To Write or to Live my Marriage?

One blog in five months does not a blogger make.

I took a look back at posts I have written over the last year, and it is evident I have made a choice. The days, months and weeks when my husband and I were not together were my most productive writing months, and since we have been in the same state, I have not uttered a public word about him. I have chosen to live our marriage instead of write about it.

I am still writing, finishing my first book, (Choosing to Grow: Through Marriage) but my daily reflections about what it takes for us to stay married have gone mute.

Are we still married? Yes.

Are we in a good place in our marriage? Certainly.

Have I plateaued with my current growth? Maybe.

My marriage toolbox got a whole lot bigger over the last seven years. I picked up so many ideas about how to better communicate, how to have strength to change my own behavior, and how to love him better.

Tools that sit in a box are useless, so I have chosen to open the box, put the tools to work and reap reward for effort. In choosing to do that, however, I have had little time to write about it.

Places I knew needed mending have taken top priority for me, and that emotional effort takes minutes out of my day. I don't regret any second of our romantic vacation to Hawaii because, except for the flights, my computer stayed stored. I have soaked up time simply "hanging out" because for so much of the year we do not get to do that. Our marriage needed that. I needed that.

I am a writer, but I am a wife first. I can hardly claim to write about how to navigate the minefield of marriage, unless I am actually taking steps myself.

There will be time to write, to vent, to grow, but the last few months have been the time to live my marriage.